Waiting For The Day I Feel Good
by UnitedPen
Summary: James has it all together. He has the perfect boyfriend, an important career, a loving mom and great friends. But will a secret from James' past tear his world apart? Contains Jarlos and Kogan.
1. Chapter 1: Surprise

**A/N: I know, what am I doing starting another story when "What's In A Name?" has so many more chapters to go? Well I just couldn't get this idea out of my head plus I've been dying to write a Jarlos story since they are my OTP. Don't worry, I'll try to spread out my updates so one story doesn't get more attention then the other. Anyway I hope you like the story. I should warn you, it is going to deal with some dark issues, although this chapter is pretty light. Please read and review!**

James was nervously pacing back and forth in the parking lot of The Palm Woods, pulling his lucky comb out every few seconds to fix his hair. The action usually calmed his nerves whenever he was in a stressful situation but it was doing nothing for him today. He stomped his foot in annoyance, huffed and continued pacing.

Logan and Kendall were out for a drive in the Big Time Rush Mobile. They had promised to be back in time for James' driver's test. However, they were late, probably making out on the beach on one of Kendall's picnic blankets, James figured, and now James was freaking out because of them. And to top it all off, the two weren't answering their cell-phones. James had to settle with leaving angry text messages and voicemails telling them to hurry up.

Usually he had no problem with his two best friends being all lovey-dovey, in fact the farther away from him the better, as he wasn't exactly enthusiastic about seeing almost porn unless Carlos was somehow involved and really, James would only ever want to see Carlos with him.

But although James appreciated Kendall and Logan's private time away from him, it was now going to make him look horrible. If those two didn't get here quick, James' examiner would see his student wasn't prepared. James would bet this would make the examiner extra critical during the test and James wouldn't pass.

James needed this licence for freedom. Plus it would be nice to be the gentleman in his relationship for once, be he one to hold Carlos' door open and drive him for dinner. He wanted to be the perfect boyfriend he knew he could be with a car.

He had been saving for the ideal convertible to drive his amazing lover around in and as that thought entered his mind, James decided he would kill Logan and Kendall as soon as they appeared. But for now all he could do was let out a frustrated scream.

"James, buddy calm down or Bitters is going to get mad at you for causing a disturbance!"

Suddenly a tangible heat engulfed James right side. This was a feeling he could only every get from the love of his life, his boyfriend Carlos. Caramel arms wrapped around James' torso, holding him tight and squeezing him hard, much like a child would hug a teddy bear.

While the hug was supposed to make James relax into Carlos' arms, Carlos instead felt the exact opposite happen. Resting his head on his brunette boyfriends' chest, he could hear James' heartbeat increase in frequency, as the thumping sounds grew louder against Carlos' ear. Grinning because he knew James was turned on, Carlos turned his dark mocha eyes to meet James' hazel ones.

"I said calm down James, not become aroused," Carlos taunted teasingly.

James couldn't help but grin back. "It's not my fault my boyfriend has his crotch so close to mine." He was delighted Carlos was here because whenever they acted all goofy yet sexual like this; it allowed James to take his mind off of whatever was plaguing his thoughts. It let him focus on the one person who made his world impossibly bright.

Carlos glanced down at their two connected bodies, noticing the half-staff's both of them were bearing beneath their jeans. He couldn't help but blush at this but since it felt so good, decided to take advantage of the moment.

He tilted his face up to meet James and suddenly electricity coursed through both of their bodies as James' hot breaths fell on to Carlos' lips. Carlos arched his body up a bit more, trying to close the distance and meet the plump mouth…

Unfortunately, Bitters had chosen that moment to walk out with the driver instructor. Bitters, in his never ending quest to make money, had organized driving lessons out of The Palm Woods for the kids at the school who were the right age to drive but did not have their licence yet. It was double the price of course but James had jumped at the chance since he was the last of his friends who still had to drive with a fully licensed driver. Carlos had passed the test after two tries a couple months ago, Kendall a couple of months before that, and Logan about six months before that. James hated relying on other people and this was his moment to be more independent.

His chance couldn't have come at a worse time now that he was all hot and bothered. He quickly separated his body from Carlos, pushing his boyfriend away from him but at the same time interlocking their hands trying to seek some comfort. Carlos squeezed back, trying to make James feel the warmth the two were feeling a moment earlier, hoping it would take James' off of how much he thought he was going to screw up this test.

Carlos had been with James in the car as he practiced week after week, watching as the pretty boy would curse silently each time he made a mistake and smirk quietly to himself every time he got a maneuver right. Carlos would usually let James figure the technicalities of driving, offering kind words of encouragement if James steered too far off course.

James was so grateful the tan boy was beside him when he practiced. It beat having Logan or Kendall, both of who had quit riding with James after one session. Logan had been too much of a know-it-all when it came to driving and Kendall and James both thought they knew the right way to direct the car and ended up fighting about ten minutes in. On both those days, James had come home, eyes filled to the brim with tears of frustration only to have Carlos cheer him up with kisses, video games and store-bought pie. From then on, Carlos was the only one allowed in the car with James. And James got better.

Carlos wasn't going to be in the car today and that worried James to no end especially now as the driver instructor stared at him curiously. What if the only reason he was good was because he had someone in the car with him who believed in him so ardently?

Bitters look enraged at the two committing PDA in front of someone he had hired but the other guy just continued to glance around.

"Where's your car, Mr. Diamond?"

James' breath quickened in panic as he glanced around, noticing Carlos typing furiously away on his cell phone while James spent the time scanning the parking lot for the car to show up.

"I'm sorry, my friends should be here any minute with the vehicle."

Bitters scowled in disapproval.

"Mr. Banks shouldn't have to wait at all. You get one more minute."

James opened his mouth to protest how unfair Bitters was being when the Big Time Rush Mobile pulled up, blaring If I Ruled the World out of its speakers.

"There's my ride," James said to Mr. Banks, relief flooding through his system, soon replaced by frustration as he saw the car stop and Kendall and Logan give each other a kiss before hopping out of the car.

"Trouble putting your clothes back on?" James asked the couple sarcastically as he untangled his hand from Carlos, smiling softly at the boy, before walking to the car. He could not understand how the two most responsible members of the band could leave him hanging like this.

"James, we are so sorry we are late," Logan began, biting his red lips nervously as he noticed James narrow his eyes in annoyance.

"Ya we lost track of time," Kendall smirked, not really apologetic as the afternoon's events flashed through his mischievous brain, especially the part where a wave had crashed over him and Logan as they were sharing a deep passionate kiss. "Logan can be really clingy when he wants to be."

Logan blushed a deep crimson as James opened his mouth to let out a high-pitched yell. "Why couldn't you have been on time?"

The blonde member of Big Time Rush raised his busy eyebrows, never one to like getting yelled at. "Whoa dude, you could have just asked to use my mom's car."

James rolled his eyes. "Sorry for asking my best friends, who weren't doing anything important today, for one favour."

"Anything important, I will have you know…" Kendall started only to be interrupted by Carlos clearing his throat behind James and making a spastic hand movement to point out Mr. Banks who was watching amused and Bitters who was tapping his watch, yelling something about how this was going to cost James extra.

"Guys," Carlos whined a bit. "Let's not fight. Think of rainbows and kittens and the super awesome party we are giving James after he passes his test!"

Logan face palmed while Kendall groaned.

"Carlos that was supposed to be a surprise!"

"Oops," Carlos said, his face turning red. He couldn't believe he had let that spill. Now James was going to know and wouldn't be happy when Carlos revealed the cake he had bought with a convertible decorated on top. His lips jutted forward in a pout as he cast his dark eyes down to keep the angry tears at bay.

James raised a finger and put it under Carlos' chin, forcing the Latino to look up at the tan boy.

"You're throwing a party for me?" James asked, not realizing it was possible to fall in love with Carlos even more as Carlos nodded, blinking the tears back. James really didn't think getting his licence was that big of a deal, just really cool, but Carlos had obviously planned this to show affection for his boyfriend. James couldn't be happier.

"It was really all of our ideas," Kendall mumbled as Logan nudged him in the ribs. Both boys watched as James leaned down and kissed Carlos with all the passion he could muster, hoping he could express his extreme gratitude. No tongue was involved, their lips only moving slightly with each other.

Both realized this wasn't the time for a proper kiss but it was enough. When they finally pulled apart, Carlos pulled James in for a hug, standing on his toes to whisper into his ear.

"No matter what happens, I'm proud of you. And I'll be right here with you the whole time," Carlos said, placing his hand on James' heart.

James flashed Carlos his million-watt smile, placing his hand over Carlos' as Logan passed him the keys. The driver instructor then came forward as Kendall waved him over and took a seat in the passenger's side while James separated from his boyfriend and settled behind the wheel.

"Ok, thank you for waiting. Let's get this show on the road," James said confidently, knowing he would get through this. As long as Carlos believed in him, there was no reason to be nervous.

* * *

><p>Carlos paced in the lobby of The Palm Woods waiting for James to walk through the doors. Kendall and Logan had gone upstairs to put the finishing touches on the party that was being held in 2J. It was decided it would go on whether or not James had passed. Because Carlos had let it slip, there was really no way they could call it off. Carlos didn't care though. Any chance for the Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood to unleash their enthusiastic, party side was a great day for Carlos and he knew James felt the same way. Even if he was bummed, Carlos knew a party would definitely do the trick to cheer him up.<p>

He couldn't stand waiting for anything though and the suspense was killing him. He knew how hard James had worked for this. His boyfriend had put in as much effort as he did with his singing career so Carlos could tell this really meant so much to him. And James truly deserved the world. Carlos only ever wanted to see him happy which was precisely why he was walking back and forth in front of the main doors, annoying the guests who were coming in. All he sought after was to see that beautiful white smile. Even if it wasn't planted on James when he walked in, Carlos would make sure he saw those pearly whites tonight.

Just then, a large group of guests flooded into the lobby, knocking down Carlos as they hurried to the front desk. As Carlos slowly rose up from the carpet, trying to catch his bearings, he came face to face with James' handsome face starting back at him, the tall boy crouching down and offering the shorter one his hand.

"You ok, buddy?"

Carlos nodded eagerly, jumping to his feet, not wanting James to be concerned for him. It was sweet, but it wasn't the look he wanted to see on James' face right now.

"So?"

James hesitated a minute, earning a slap on his arm from Carlos, before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a slip of paper. He held it out in front of him for Carlos to take a look.

"I got it!" James said, a big smile adorning his face

Carlos literally squealed in excitement, earning weird looks from the people around him, but he didn't care. James laughed out loud as Carlos pulled him in for a backbreaking hug while simultaneously texting Logan and Kendall the happy news.

"That's awesome Jamie! And on your first try too!"

James nodded in agreement as Carlos continued to hold on to James, pondering the right way to congratulate him. In a rush of dominant attitude, he pulled James' face down to his and kissed him with all he had. His tongue slid across James' full lips begging for entrance that James quickly granted. They quickly had a battle for control, Carlos winning surprisingly, He took his time to map out his beautiful boyfriends mouth, relishing in the moans escaping past their kiss. Carlos took in the delicious sounds, taking them as encouragement to slide his hand up under James' shirt to caress his back, but then he felt a larger hand on his, halting his movements.

"No Carlos, let's not keep everyone waiting at the party," James stated as he broke the kiss, grabbing his boyfriends hand and pulling him toward the elevator.

Carlos frowned at James' actions. This always happened and Carlos could never figure out why James always pulled away when things heated up between them. James' drew back all the time, whether they were in public or not. It wasn't because James was shy because he was perfectly content to make out in public and talk dirty, as Carlos found out as soon as they started dating.

No, something else was stopping James from being really intimate and while Carlos wanted right now to ask James what his problem was, like he wanted to all the times before, he couldn't bring himself to ruin the happy relationship they had. James might feel pressured or confronted and Carlos never wanted to make James feel so negative, especially today when there was a party in his honour.

So he kept his mouth shut and followed James to the apartment, forcing a smile as James opened the door and everyone jumped up yelling "Congratulations"

* * *

><p>James was having a great time at his party. All of his friends from The Palm Woods were there to congratulate him on getting his licence and they were sincere in doing so, knowing it was a big deal for a sixteen-year-old. Gustavo had even stopped by, although James suspected that had more to do with Kelly and possibly the promise of food. There were many people who just dropped in to have a good time, although thankfully Carlos hadn't texted 'Al Contacts' to show up.<p>

Currently, James was leaning against the kitchen counter; a plastic cup of soda in his hand, tapping his foot to the beat of the melodic tunes being blasted out behind him. He was surprised Bitters hadn't broken up the party but he was pretty sure he had heard Katie explaining to Tyler earlier how she had set the hotel manager up on a fake Internet date way across town.

His face split into a smile as he spotted Kendall and Logan grinding on the dance floor, oblivious to anyone around them. James knew they only had a few more seconds of bliss until Mrs. Knight would spot them through the crowd and break them up. His prediction was correct. She came storming through the sea of people with a thick dictionary in her hand, placing it between the couple to set a boundary.

James chuckled harder as he saw out of the corner of his eye ,Carlos laughing at the same thing on the opposite side of the room near the cake table. Chocolate was smeared all around the Latino's lips and James was tempted to go up and lick the treat off of his even more delicious boyfriend, without Mama Knight noticing of course.

He stood up fully to make his way across the room when suddenly the front door swung open and James found himself face to face with his mom, Brooke Diamond.

The intimidating presence of the business owner caused everyone in the room to shift their eyes over to the powerful women as her perfectly tanned face broke into a wide smile and she opened her arms.

"James!"

James walked over to his mother and returned the hug. They were on much better terms now that the two of them had agreed to let James have a say in his own life and also since Brooke visited more frequently. They knew more about each other's dreams and passions since they video chatted daily. James felt a deep connection with his mom who took her work as seriously as James did. He had always loved her but she treated him mostly like an adult, which he was grateful for considering he did have an important career.

"Hi Mom! What are you doing here," James asked curiously, everyone in the room returning to the party, uninterested in the family reunion.

"What, I can't come congratulate my baby boy on getting his driver's licence? You are so grown up, James, I can't believe it!" Brooke gushed. Although she knew James was very mature for sixteen, he was her one and only child and she would never forget it.

James blushed.

"Thanks Mom. I can't believe you flew all the way out to Los Angeles on your own just for this! It means a lot especially since I know your next business meeting isn't in a few weeks."

"I would do anything for you sweetie," Brooke replied, smiling at her son's enthusiasm for her visit. "But I didn't exactly come alone. I had company."

James rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you dragged your personal assistant along for a family visit."

Brooke smiled softly. "Well she's back at the hotel but that's not who I meant."

Brooke stepped aside from where her body was blocking the doorway allowing James to see for the first time who was behind his mother. At the mere sight, James' breath quickened so he was almost hyperventilating. His hands clenched into fists, his heart rate increased, and he started to shake. Although the room was filled with people, it felt icy to James and he could no longer hear anyone laughing or talking over the pounding in his own ears.

"What is he doing here?"

**Who do you think it is? Leave your guesses in the reviews! **


	2. Chapter 2: Shock

**Thank you to all my reviewers and readers! I'm so sorry the update took so long. University claimed all of my free time but now that it's summer, expect more frequent updates. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

* * *

><p>James blinked slowly a couple of times, trying to make sure who he was seeing definitely wasn't an illusion. He desperately wanted it to be. Unfortunately his eyes weren't deceiving him and with that realization, his body instantly locked up in shock.<p>

"Honey…" Brooke hesitated, confused by James' frozen state. He wasn't immobile from excitement, she learned that from her last trip, so she was starting to get a little worried. However, she couldn't figure out why he wouldn't at be a little happy.

But before she could probe further, Carlos suddenly came bounding up beside James, knocking into him with so much force that James unfroze, a big lungful of air of air rushing out of him.

"James! I saw you but then the crowd got so big so I had to push through everyone and I thought I lost you but then I saw you again but motionless!" Carlos rushed out in one breathless sentence, reaching out to grasp James' hand in comfort.

Carlos wasn't worried about Brooke getting mad at the public display of affection. The couple had told her a day after they had gotten together, James wanting to see if his mother would say no. Carlos had been really worried when James had told him that, thinking if Brooke had expressed displeasure, then James would ditch his boyfriend faster than it took Logan to finish one page of math homework. James had to sit him down and reassure him that was not the case. James just wanted to tell his mom early before she found out by accident through the press should they choose to reveal their secret. They still hadn't done this, of course, due to Griffin's aggressive campaign that was designed to make the boys of Big Time Rush appear "single or ready to mingle."

James also didn't want his mom to find out through an embarrassing moment like catching the two making out if she came out to visit. James had said if Brooke said no, then he would put up a fight, but he had assured Carlos she would be much more understanding if they were just open and honest.

Carlos was still hesitant, but much too his delight, it turned out to be a true statement. Brooke Diamond almost broke both Carlos and James' eardrums when she relayed over the webcam just how excited she was that her baby boy found someone and it was even better that is was his best friend, someone he got along with so well and completely trusted.

Carlos' parents had a similar reaction. Sylvia almost knocked over the computer in Minnesota because she was flaying with so much happiness. Mr. Garcia couldn't stop smiling however he later called James privately, warning James against hurting his boy. James had been legitimately afraid of the police officer and had sworn on all of his Cuda hair products that he would always take good care of Carlos. Forever. It was as simple as that.

So after all that, Carlos knew Brooke was nothing but accepting, so he had no qualms in rubbing his hand up and down James' back in an effort to sooth his tease muscles. He was so focused on calming James down that he didn't notice Brooke worriedly biting her lip. But when he understood that James from the hardwood floor, then Carlos' turned to James' mom to see her eyes blown wide.

"Are you planning to take him back to Minnesota again," Carlos squeaked, already planning to rush back into the living room to grab Kendall and Logan so they could forcibly bar her from taking James. They all respected and loved Mrs. Diamond but if it came to drastic measures, Carlos was ready to take the plunge. Especially with James acting quiet and totally out of character.

"Are we just going to stand here all day? Let's just acknowledge James' brother is here and be done with it," a 20-something-year old's harsh voice broke Carlos out of his thoughts. His mouth gaped open in wonder. How had he not noticed this guy who was now pushing his way past a shuffling James and a sympathetic Mrs. Diamond? The Mohawk wearing, tattoo-sporting James lookalike shocked and scared Carlos as the man made his way from the doorway immediately to the kitchen, where he scowled at everyone, while reaching for the food.

Carlos turned away from the sight and looked up at James expectantly. He had an inkling of who this was due to distant childhood memories.

"That's Jones?" he asked bewildered. Carlos hadn't seen Jones since James and himself were around eight-years-old. He was James' half-brother from his dad's first marriage and had lived with James' family until his own mother suddenly came to take him away. That's all James had ever said about the matter and so that's all Carlos knew. It was kind of an unspoken rule among the four boys, upon seeing James so upset at even the mention of Jones, which the half-brother was never to be brought up. It was a rule that kept James happy, a rule Mrs. Diamond was breaking at this very moment.

James looked down at Carlos with sad eyes. He opened his mouth but then closed it like a fish. Carlos gripped his hand tired when Mrs. Diamond spoke up.

"Yes it is. He's been staying with me for a few weeks. Unfortunately his mother relapsed and went back into rehab. I thought a trip out here might cheer him up."

Carlos' stomach dropped as he felt a twinge of pity for Jones, a pity that quickly evaporated into concern as he saw James' cloud over with unshed tears.

"So this trip isn't even really for me," James chocked out, a tear slipping down his face that James hastily wiped away with a tanned hand. "Can't he just go stay with Carter?"

"You mean your father," Brooke said sternly. "James, you know I came to visit you. But you also know it's not that easy to send Jones to Carter. I'm sorry your upset about this, but I think this is the best way that both of us can help him."

She made a move to put her hand on James' shoulder but he shook it off.

"How do you expect to help Jones pull himself together Mom?" James burst out in his high-pitched tone. "He hasn't wanted to in the past. Something's really got to change but I don't think this is it. I don't want him here and if you insist on him being here with you, I don't want you here either."

"James!" Brooke exclaimed but James didn't stick around for the lecture. He was already out the door before Carlos could blink.


End file.
